Not that my proclivity towards nigh-arrogant ranting and circuitous introspection demands any apologies*, but I realized this weekend there are some significant though well-concealed advantages to being a self-absorbed navel-gazer.
You’re going to need me to back that one up, aren’t you?
OK, let’s start with this brilliantly clever circle graph that received its fifteen minutes of fame when it landed on the front page of HuffPo last Friday.
To some, this may seem like an outright insult to Christians on a national level. To others, it comes off… well, it comes off exactly the same way; it’s just that this group of people delights in the insult instead of taking offense to it. It’s why we have wars, you know.
But what if the philosophical implications of this graphic are deeper than either of those cramped assumptions? Isn’t it possible the obvious joke is only there as an appetizer for your brain? Could there be something beyond the glib comparison of three movie monsters to the Messiah?
And if I can get you to see what I’m pointing at, can I then use the same similes and metaphors to confuse things and diminish the entire thing back down to a trite GraphJam entry?
Only one way to find out, I guess.
So anyway, being an artist by profession, I have an appreciation for color that perhaps my non-creative friends lack. Nevertheless, most people who see the above image would take note, albeit to varying degrees, of what could potentially be the most significant aspect of the illustration: that the hues change tint as they overlap. Oh sure, it’s done primarily to distinguish the individual circles while avoiding the clutter of each circle having a black stroke around it. But if we’re willing to assume a respectable level of intelligence for the graphic artist, we can very easily contrive some other, more important symbolism in this design.
For example, considering the person’s artistic nature, we can decide that the three circles are a subliminal color-mixing palette. Voila! Instant Philosophical Proposition! We are now conveniently positioned to make the symbol represent whatever we want simply by piously stating, “The final question is this: do you see God as additive or subtractive?”
The beautiful cleverness of this is that we’ve now opened up the argument for what defines something as additive and what makes something subtractive. Further applying these parameters to an omnipotent being keeps the idea immortal by giving rise to mutually exclusive factions, each with its own specialized and unequivocal interpretation of the image.
The Three-Circle Purists say the underlying message merely reinforces the graphic’s original idea that God is the culmination of all monstrosities to the point of becoming the blackest monster of them all. They refer to the very manner in which the tints darken as they progress towards Jesus Christ as their evidence. Declaring him to be a subtractive deity, they give God the name “Simmik” (spelled cmyk) and dub him the Bringer of Blackness.
The Paradoxicals, however, insist that the diagram represents Jesus’ tendency to spend the majority of his ministry in the presence of the most misguided, baleful sinners and that the choice of colors is intended as a subtle testament to that necessary irony. They claim repeatedly – almost to the point of recitation – that it is light from which God and all good things are born and thus, just like light, God must be additive, To them, the completeness of God results in a clean, perfect whiteness. He is given the title “Regrebloo the Pure”. Countless hymns are composed rejoicing in the promise of that glorious day when all colors will come together to form the most perfect White.
Of course, the cynical 3-CPs are all over that with shouts of racism and accusations of a religiously driven eugenic agenda. Science fiction novels begin to be regularly presented as oracular tomes. PK Dick and Isaac Asimov become revered as great prophets.
The Doxies then issue a collective sardonic snort by taking out full-page ads and erecting billboards likening fundamentalist 3-C doctrine to that of the Church of Scientology, citing as fact the very arguable notion that L. Ron Hubbard was also a science fiction author. This campaign fails miserably, however, as does their droll attempt to humiliate their adversaries by referring to them as “C-3POs”.
The battle rages for decades. Nonsensical self-help books emerge with titles like I, Robot. U Can’t Subtract! and Paradoxicals Do It With Guile. Passion becomes petulance and devotion turns into duress. A purist menacingly holds a 2x4 like a baseball bat and a doxie pulls his handgun…
Then, only after countless lives have been lost to the argument, does the illustration’s creator (by now aged 106) finally issue a public statement declaring that he is, in point of fact, completely colorblind.
And just like that, the sum of time and energy dedicated to either side of the debate is fully devalued. All the stock placed in both ideals is instantly obliterated. Every measure of strength and motivation imbued by the conflict is just as effectively depleted.
There was really never anything more to the illustration than an insensitive jape…
…right?
*In fact, some people actually like that sort of thing. I simply provide a service – an abrasive but oddly arousing service. So do hookers, but unlike a prostitute, I service you free of charge.
No, it's not the name of a new Disney after-school TV series. Sorry to disappoint.
The title of this post is actually referring to a couple of super-awesome photos from Amanda's recent trip to Colorado, where she enjoyed the rare and thrilling experience of having her face tasted by a full-grown wolf. Not many can say they've done that, you know, because usually they are dead or unable to form words through all the scar tissue...
Go forth and fill your libraries with media.
Seriously, thanks to everyone for being so amazing and patient. You are the reason I love Vox.
I was just told that the Amazon Conduit will be fixed by tomorrow. I will post here as soon as I get word that it's back up and running.
I know this has been frustrating and I am sorry there wasn't more I could do to make it less so. I really appreciate your patience though.
Cheers,
He's nothing if not comical...
It's five in the morning on a Monday.
You awaken to what feels like an angry blacksmith is using your bladder for a bellows.
You waste no time in getting out of bed.
Bleary, you shamble off to the bathroom.
The sound of a heavy Seattle downpour is coming in through a tiny, high-set window.
Just then, the toes of your right foot come to rest in a puddle of cold water.
NOW ANSWER QUICKLY: What is the first thought to enter your mind upon feeling the wetness?
Perhaps one of these?
A) The roof is leaking!!! Aaaaaiieeeee!!!
B) Well, at least it's not a warm puddle...
C) That reminds me, we need paper towels.
D) Hmm, I don't live in Seattle, so I must be dreaming.
E) Hmm, I don't have a right foot, so I must be dreaming.
F) Ew.
G) What an interesting coincidence there happened to be a heavy rain just when I discovered the watery evidence of a failed toilet shutoff valve.
For what it's worth, the first choice above was my first reaction and the last one on the list was the reality.
It's funny how the brain will sometimes contrive a false connection between two similar but utterly unrelated pieces of data and then regard the resulting incorrect assumption as fact, referring back to the original irrelevant data as its proof.
The moral of the story is that sometimes people put beer in apple juice bottles.
Or something to that effect.
So my local news team "reported" today that Wal*Mart would be lowering thousands of prices over the next couple months. That was it. That was the "news" story.
Lord.
Is the general public really so dreadfully obtuse they can't immediately recognize blatant advertising when they see it, or are we all just perceived to be that way by those faceless tyrants we customarily refer to collectively as "The Man"?
I make my living in advertising, so I feel confident in stating that regularly scheduled price reductions at the world's largest purveyor of cheap plastic crap is not news. It's preferential, thinly veiled corporate promotion being passed off as journalism by disingenuous fat cats and the glorified narrators (for I refuse to call them journalists) who work for them.
Honestly, it's no secret that practically everyone is lowering prices right now. Target, Fred Meyer, Home Depot, you name it. That's what happens in a shit economy, kids. Inflation goes away and prices drop because money stops moving. Wal*Mart is neither unique nor leading in the price-dropping arena, but to hear King5 tell it, they're the only ones trying to move product in this recession and omigawd you better get down there before they run out of eleven-dollar ungrounded space-heaters!!!
I wonder: does Wal*Mart sell manure? You know, in case my local news channel ever runs out. They're shoveling it at us pretty fast these days.
Got a rather interesting shot of DG sneaking about in the dark and, well, you know me...
Aaaand here's another one I quite liked.
What kind of fancy-pantsy camera did I use, you ask? Must be an expensive SLR, you say? Can't get photos like that without giving up an arm and a leg, you tritely jest?
Well, my camera is not fancy, not an SLR, and no camera is worth giving up more than a few toes for.
This 12-megapixel jobby right here will give you pictures of this quality, only much bigger. I sized these down significantly for uploading.
DG wants to wish you all "a relaxee nite with nice and warm sleeps".
(Yes, he made me upsize and bold the font. I've learned it's really easiest just to indulge him when it doesn't put his health or anyone's safety at risk.)
Bad news. As many of you have probably noticed, the Amazon Conduit was not fixed in the last week's release. Unfortunately, there was an undetected bug that is preventing the conduit from working.
We are working on this bug fix and hope to have the Conduit back up and running this week.
I will keep you posted.
Thank you for being so patient.
Blog Action Day is every October 15th, when blogger are asked to post something about a single issue to show our strength and conviction as an online community. It's a great way to feel connected to the greater good, and the participation of so many bloggers to support the world's leading non-profit organizations is something you can do to help, right now. By blogging today, you're supporting some of the world's leading non-profits and sharing your voice for change.
This year's topic is climate change, and we'd love to read your thoughts on the topic. If you participate, leave us a link to your post in the comments, so we know to check out your post!
Go to www.blogactionday.org to learn more, get a badge for your blog showing your participation, and see some ideas for your post on climate change.
Can't wait to read your posts!
~ daisy
