Bum, Poo and Wees
Given the intense scrutiny myself and my team are now under at work my idea of using my pissy lunch break to blog have gone bye byes. I am down to email messages to myself at home so I can copy and paste them in later.
Ho freaking hum...here is 10/12's excitement...
I played my hypno mp3 last night. Not so successful. My mp3 player wouldn’t download it so I ended up playing it on the portable dvd player on the speakers so I could hear every snore and lick and scratch from the dogs. Stussy also wanted to play for a bit with the speakers. I heard parts of it I never heard before though and will try it again tonight.
I have this fatigue at the moment which feels like emotional exhaustion. Its like I have been carrying a heavy load around for quite sometime and I’ve just realised it was weighing me down. I don’t think it matters how much I sleep at the moment – it’s an exhaustion deeper than that. The daggiest part is I fall asleep the minute I get on the bus now and I don’t want Miss C to catch the bus with me in case I want to nod off!
Two weeks ago my line manager gave me a big song and dance about how valued I was and the work I do but that as of the new year I have to hand over more work to my team and schedule in down time for myself. Then last week he tried to fob off a long term task to me and I spat the dummy over it. He didn’t seem to fussed about my behaviour and merely moved the task to another TL. But today my big boss (second in charge of this agency). Number 1 myself and my team use the internet inappropriately and must cease immediately or our access will be removed. This follows on from a TL meeting recently where our team where the only ones who owned up to using the internet for personal reasons. Mind you we work in such a high volume area that our use of it is miniscule and only in between jobs or while we are on a break at our desks. But no matter – still got chastised for it. Number 2 myself and my team have been accused of holding up correspondence by several senior staff. So even though our electronic systems would indicate that everything that comes to us is processed immediately and that it is clear to everyone we work with that we bust our butts to meet deadlines and I am always trying to do deals because I can’t get things signed off within timeframes it is still our fault. And what’s more it is because we spend our time surfing the internet rather than working!
I was very angry about this this morning (as were the girls and the team here) but then I found a job online I might apply for. At least it will make me feel better. I’m not cut out for this kind of environment where you can’t be your happy self, but you can be a back stabbing, arse covering bitch. This is similar to what happened to me before in this job and now instead of targeting me they are including the whole team. I can’t work where I don’t feel safe and not one of us in this team deserves it – we work like dogs and meet everyone’s needs everyday without being cranky or nasty. If I go I know at least one other team member that wont hang around either. And if they ask me why I’m leaving I wont be shy in telling them.
The most ridiculous part is we are all sitting here trying to find something useful to do since we have to at least look like we are being diligent. We have absolutely no work to do but can’t even do up the xmas gift boxes for fear someone else will have a moan about us not doing anything. God when I think of all the team and floor meetings and morning teas and farewell drinkies I’ve missed because of work demands while everyone else had time to enjoy themselves it really pisses me off. They’ve taken the fun out of Christmas for us. Scrooges.
