I think it’s time for me to take a moment and unload. Or at least unwind the coil of angst bubbling under my veneer.
Like many, many people I am unhappy with my job. Unhappy with my life. Unhappy with my achievements, my relationships, where I am at right now in this world. Yep, just plain unhappy. Things do actually make me happy but they are just snippets of what’s out there and what I have experienced in the past. Usually short lived and provided by a third party.
The sad part is I don’t know how to turn it all around. The even sadder part is that only I can make the shift or change.
Now I’m not talking slit my wrists unhappy but more the type of how the fuck did I get here dissatisfied. How did I get to 46 without doing all the things I wanted to do? How did I get to 46 without having a fucking PLAN? When did my dreams become more exciting than my reality? I have simply let my life dribble away. It’s getting too late.
Well that’s how it feels….
On tv last night there was an 81 year old guy who gives aqua aerobic classes about 6 times a day to old women who think he is positively dreamy. Will that be me in another 20 or 30 years? What little time rut will I stick myself in? What new fandangled technology will there be that I can’t master (especially when I can’t download to my freaking mp3 player now!). And when will I be too old to work? One of those people I have rolled my eyes at because they can’t keep up in the work place? When will I be too old to travel independently and carry a backpack? And at what age will I have to stop dying my hair and just get that short curly perm?
Yes I know, sounds ridiculous doesn’t it, but how did life get so complex and so without substance?
Well for a start I’d like to blame my parents and my upbringing but that’s a whole other ugly story so we’ll just start with something much simpler.
I’ve been imagining what it would be like to be an early settler. Since Australia is too harsh I’m going to pretend that maybe I’m from the Cold Mountain era and locale.
So the first thing I can imagine is that I live in some kind of log cabin. Just one big room dominated by the fireplace. My bed is made of rags and the windows don’t open. I don’t know who built the cabin – I can’t imagine sawing trees myself, and it scares me to think of living somewhere where I can’t lock the door.
So now I’m thinking that I live sort of into the side of a cliff and it snows in winter. But what happens in really big snow falls? How do I dig it away from the back of the house or stop it from collapsing the flimsy roof? How do I keep warm if all the logs are sodden with snow around the base?
And I figure I’d keep animals – chickens and at least a horse, maybe a goat or cow or a pig. But where do they live in winter? So I imagine some kind of barn off the side of the house. Then I imagine a little trap door from the main house into say a larder/pantry (for where my vegetables are stored) which then goes to the stable. But what about all the animal poo? Where the hell do I get rid of all that in the snow without a proper shovel or wheelbarrow?
And how much food do I need to store for all those animals over the winter months? A horse can eat a lot! Maybe I’d get so hungry one winter I’d have to kill and eat the horse?
And I couldn’t live without a dog, so the dog would need to be able to come and go from the house when it needed to.
I think I need a spring beside the house (not too close!) because fresh water is precious. There would also need to be some kind of river or creek so I could catch fish.
I’d probably need to kill other meat as well but I’d be terrified of using traps in case I closed one on myself. I guess I could shoot things? But where do I get the bullets? What if I am a bad shot like I am now? How do I keep my meat more than a day in summer? What if I hate salted meat?
And what about the dog? Does he just get the innards from what I kill or if food storage is such an issue (no fridge remember!) does he get a serve of what I’m having? Is it selfish to have a dog in the first place? Besides companionship what can he offer rather than take from me?
Then there would need to be some kind of planting arrangement. Plants for food and for the animals and maybe even to make fibres for things around the cabin? How could I keep up with all that myself? How will I have seeds from season to season? How will I know how much of everything is necessary to survive winters?
How often would I travel into town? How far away would that be? What would my transport be? If I bought in bulk how would I get it back to my cabin?
Actually what would I have to buy anything with? Could I make enough of something to sell or would I have time from simply surviving to have a skill I could offer?
And what would I wear? I’m assuming I would not have need for an actual wardrobe what with maybe only one pair of shoes and some thread bare clothing that wore out as quickly as I could patch it? Would I be warm enough? Would I look poor and hungry? Would I look weak and vulnerable? There are a lot of opportunists out there.
What if I got sick? How would the farm work get done or animals get fed? Who would care for me until I could care for myself again?
And what about hygiene? What do you make soap from? Would I have enough bowls/plates/buckets to be able to spare something to heat up and wash in regularly or does that no longer matter? What about that BO smell we are so offended by – where do I get a natural deodorant from in the bush? What about all that armpit hair? Would I even care? And where do I go to the toilet and what form of ‘paper’ will be available to me?
I’m assuming I have no power source other than my fire and no tools other than what I can make. Do I wake when it is light and sleep when it is dark or can I find things to do by firelight? I’ve probably used the paper from my books to keep me warm or wipe my bum! Do I take afternoon naps when I’m feeling a little tired even though there is always so much to do?
The answer to all these questions is I don’t know but I’m hoping that whoever raised me did and that they passed on the necessary knowledge to me so I could continue to exist. As I type that I am surprised - that’s not what I thought was going to come out of my tale of woe – a small epiphany that the end is the beginning no matter how much I’d like to pretend that dodgy foundations can be rebuilt. Everything starts somewhere – life, knowledge, hope, love, sadness.
How far away my current life is from this scenario. The current ‘threats’ to my survival include how long I will have to wait for a bus home tonight to what takeaway I am going to buy on the way home. Maybe I’ll even ‘struggle’ to find a tv show I want to watch tonight.
How did life get so meaningless and full of nothings that seem so important to my existence?
]]>Like most people in Australia I heard the news on teh way to work yesterday that Michael Jackson was dead. Within a matter of hours the jokes started. I didn't take it all too seriously. Last night we watched hour after hour of news footage and quickly put together 'capturing the life of' shows.
Two things about the news footage really disturbed me - the pic of Michael in the ambulance (from reports he may have been dead in those pics) and the footage of his long slim body wrapped like a mummy being transported to the coroners office.
Those two things gave me a wake up call. They made it real for me. I realised that this man has been performing pretty much as long as I have been alive. He has been giving himself to the world for 4 decades! Who else is expected to work that long because so many depend on them and the public expects them to keep giving of themselves?
It is no secret that he did not have a normal life. Having had a slightly odd one of my own I know there are things I just never experienced as a child - normal things. I can't change that and it has left gaps in my growth because some of the foundations are missing. Imagine being a child who out of 9 siblings was pointed out as being the best. Imagine the pressure of keeping up the good work so it didn't impact on your family. Imagine being the main bread winner as a child for your family!
I think there is no doubt he was musically brilliant and personally creative. He shifted music styles more than once. He created fashions that most people my age would have mimicked at some stage. I don't know of one song of his from the Jackson 5 era right through to now that I 'hated'. Some just weren't my thing but I have never ever said "OMG I can't stand that song, turn it off!'
As for his personal relationships, well working in child protection a long time I have to say his behaviours with kids were unsafe to the kids even if they weren't intended to be so by him. Innocent of intent but guilty by his stupidity or naivete. We can't always have what we want and as adults we are expected to meet some social norms that have been established to keep our most vulnerable safe.
The strange thing for me is if I compared my feelings to how I reacted when I heard John Lennon had been killed there is no comparison. Maybe deep down I understood how damaged Michael was from the world he was raised in. Damaged souls like that don't always make the distance.
Thank you for being there my entire life Michael sharing your music and brilliance. Your songs will forever make me smile and want to sing a long. Hopefully you are now in a place where you feel more at peace with who you are inside.
]]>My birthday is on 2 July every year for the last 46 years. I am not big on celebrating anyone's birthday usually only buying presents for big birthdays (when I splash out) or for family and friends who really need the event acknowledged with lots of fuss.
My older sister Susie Q is 10 years older than me. She has 4 kids and 4 grandkids. Money is no option if we are seeing each other in person but generally we don't swap birthday presents or even cards. Susie Q has even been known to purchase a gift for me, tell me about it but never send it. She probably even forgets she got it for me and regifts it to someone else.
But today, 11 days before my actual unspecial birthday I received a little something in the mail from Susie Q. I suspect she thinks my birthday was 2 June and she is in fact 18 late with it. I mean after 46 years specific dates like that must get very confusing!
Anyway the present was an hilarious bright blue Sponge Bob Square Pants plastic watch. I adore it!
]]>At the beginning of February my lovely little team at work was dismantled. We were moved to 'join' another small team doing similar work. All part of a cost cutting exercise. It hasn't been a marriage made in heaven. There is only 1 person out of 6 who hasn't at some point expressed how awful things are. I think we had maybe 2 good weeks all up when some of the team were on leave.
My position has changed substantially and I always seem to be stepping on someone's toes. The place makes me anxious because I always seem to be doing something wrong. Even worse I always seem to be in trouble for just being me.
Two days ago I had a crack up and wrote a scathing email intending to send it to a co-worker who I knew would make me see sense and calm down about it all. Instead I sent it to the person I was complaining about. I actually like this person quite a bit but had just hit my limit with a lot of things. This person left the office searly (to get away from me!) so I endeavoured to speak to them privately after I got home and genuinly apologise. They weren't interested. Next morning I quietly asked if they wanted to meet privately and talk. Nope.
So instead of being able to rectify the situation and make them appreciate I was having an irrational unload they obviously told our line manager. The line manager pulled the whole team into a meeting and read the riot act. So now the rest of the team know something has happened when they didn't previously have a clue. The person again went home straight after the meeting. What's more the line manager reallocated their work to all the other team members effectively freezing me out.
So with no work to do I decided to clean my desk, which resulted in my attempt to create a serious work environment, packing up all my personal distractions to take back home and sorting out my resources into folders. The whole works. The line manager came to inquire whether I was taking leave. I spoke the truth and said I was cleaning my work area and sorting out my resources.
Not long after I ran into a senior co-worker in the hallway. She'd come down to our floor to use our vending machine. She asked how I was and I said "myeh". Suddenly she told me about a job she felt I'd be perfect for. Our chat was a brief one as the line manager came up the hallway looking at us suspiciously. So I went back to my desk to search for the job and couldn't find it so I rang her. She told me the contact person but said she'd speak to them directly about me. I figured she was a bit busy to be worrying about me so I decided to email the contact person.
The contact person rang me straight after I sent the email. Ten mins later she and I are having coffee and she is telling me how perfect I will be for the job, especially as I have been personally recommended by my senior co-worker from the hallway. My head is spinning by this time. I went back to my desk and continued packing and sorting my stuff.
Today I try again with the person I had offended. Not speaking to me still (I have since discovered she has also removed me from Facebook overnight). The line manager is also refusing to speak to me - she is after all good friends with the person I have offended. So I lay low and try and keep finding work I am able to do without getting in someone's bad books. People simply go out to lunch and leave me there by myself. I am person non-grata.
After lunch I get called into the big boss's office. My position is to be transferred immediately to another area of the organisation that is not functioning. I am gobsmacked and wonder when the discussions about shafting me started. The line manager sets a meeting which I have to decline because I am booked in to give someone training. So she still calls all the staff into the next pod and has the meeting without me.
It is not till after the meeting that the other staff tell me that she was rather cheesed off when announcing my impending move to the group because she'd just learned that I had been offered the job from yesterday and the big boss had accepted the move saying it was a great opportunity for someone with my skills (this big boss and I actually get on). And of course it is a higher position. I suspect she had difficulty hiding her displeasure at being gazumped. I'll be moving in a week but the big boss has given a commitment that I will be released for key meetings next week.
Those that aren't speaking to me haven't mentioned anything post meeting. I'm sure my line manager thinks I knew and that's why I was already packing. She will never bother to ask though and I no longer care to have to explain myself to her. I can say with confidence that I will never work with her again. I'm also learning that she isn't the shining star she thinks she is in the eyes of many of her peers. There is a whole club of people out there who she has put offside in her efforts to look perfect.
It's good to know that despite my current line manager thinking I am a troublesome burden there are people out there who have noticed my abilities and been waiting for an opportunity to steer me in their direction. The person I am is very suitable to lots of important positions, just not the dogs body one I'm in right now.
Thank you to the universe for steering me in the right direction and to my guardian angel for continually keeping me scar free.
Never lose faith in who you know you are even if you have someone constantly in your face trying to tell you otherwise
]]>09/04
Can you say wet? Here’s a tip. Never attempt to erect an unfamiliar tent in the rain. Here’s another tip – trying to go wee in a portaloo whilst wearing a $2 raincoat that is dripping wet should secure you a Guinness World Record. Oh why did I forget my she-wee?????
It is only 9pm but I am already back in my tent ready to collapse for the night. Seems nice and dry in my tent here now compared to me and I feel dog tired already. Could be because I left all my packing till this morning! Or it could be the ankle deep mud I’ve been waddling in for the last 4 hours. First day of the concert and already ankle deep? Not looking so exciting now is it Alyson!
There are 6 concert stages – 2 of which I can hear from my self-inflating bed! Today I caught Marlene Cummins (highly recommend!), Seasick Steve (Didn’t know he was already so freaking popular!), the welcoming ceremony and Kasey Chambers and Shane Nicholson. Steve and Kasey were by far the biggest events and I got very close to Steve sneaking up the side, but was right against the stage barrier for Kasey! Cool! I do lover her voice even though it probably grates on some.
Thank goodness I brought ear plugs!
10/04
My next door neighbours stayed up and drank and had a jam session till dawn so sleep wasn’t that much of an option. Pus it was a sunny and humid day so staying in the tent wasn’t an option. So I did a bit of shopping at the festival – everything is so horribly expensive but I can assure you that people were still buying it! Especially the $80 designer gumboots – there was a queue for those!
I’m lucky really. Most of the camp ground became a boggy mess on day one so my tent is right down near the festival entrance in with where the stallholders are staying. And close to showers and toilets and pathways!
Funny thing this morning – I saw police running through the camp ground with dogs so the first this I did was tell my noisy dope smoking neighbours and they scurried to put their stash away. Then of course the police didn’t come near us so now they are referring to me as the freaky drug dog lady. The police and dogs were at the festival gates all day though and I saw them take some groovy dude away.
Today I saw Puglsey Buzzard (his real name?). His voice is deep and gravely like maybe Louis Armstrong. Definitely nothing I’ve heard live before. Then I watched Marlene Cummins again. I realised I can’t understand a word she says or sings but she still sounds good. And she has this natural rhythm within herself that you wouldn’t realise to look at her.
Then I went on the ferris wheel as I wanted to see across the site but they made me sit in the wrong direction. Just below the ferris wheel is a dagwood dog vendor with bright lights a blazing. All these young kids crowd there everynight just hanging out in the mud. Kind of a weird place to hang if you ask me!
I also saw the Blind Boys of Alambama and yes, the majority of them are blind! One big guy has this funny dance he likes to do but sometimes they have to turn him to face the audience as he’s doing it. You have never seen an audience go off – the blind boys are obviously a fave!
Then it was on to Zappa plays Zappa more because I was curious than loved Frank Zappa’s music. The crowds tonight are really young and very pissed. Totally different atmosphere. The crowds now are as squishy as the camp sites. Certainly 10 times more crowded than somewhere like Woodford and lots of yelling and fighting too.
I decided I couldn’t stay down at the Mojo stage in the mud and crowds and Zappa riffs to wait for Michael Franti – I did see him in the flesh though – wonder what’s under that huge beanie?????
Anyway I came back to my camp to crash and literally 5 mins later my noisy neighbours turn up banging their bongo and singing badly again. So if Emma, Olivia, Cherish, Robbie and the other 2 boys whose names I missed ever read this – your musical abilities suck! I’d rather listen to the real artists thank you.
11/04
Decided to start the day with a trip into Byron. The shuttle bus that’s meant to leave every 15 mins took an hour. It then took 45 mins with the traffic to drive the 4km into Byron! Not that I was planning on walking – get enough of that at the festival!
So I went for a wander through town. It has expanded but still has the same flavour with higher price tags. It was overcast and rainy and my stupid bag weighed a ton. I went down the beach for a couple of hours just reading and being one with the earth. On the way down the track I saw an old style wheelchair with a pair of women’s frilly undies hanging off it. Then a pair of off looking feet sticking out of a roll of silver tarp. I really thought ‘it’ was dead. On my return trip up the track several hours later ‘he’ was sitting up on the tarp saying a cheery “morning!” to everyone who passed by. How he didn’t suffocate in the tarp is beyond me.
As I am writing this my noisy neighbours (we now have a Jamie and a Nate!) are moaning about headaches and tiredeness. One of them keeps badly picking the riff ‘Smoke on the water….’ ARGH!
I had a few acts I wanted to see today including Seasick Steve again but I went down for a nap and never got back up! I even dreamed. First good sleep I’ve had in a couple of weeks.
So I dragged myself off around 7pm to see Archie Roach and Ruby Hunter. They were amazing!!!!! I would love to see them again anywhere after the festival. They both have really interesting voices and talk about their struggles. I love Ruby’s song Aurukun Moonlight and her blues song about No Time to Complain. It doesn’t seem like she has them on a cd though.
One thing I have to mention here is the festival shop. $33 for a cd? At $20 I’d buy 2 or 3. At your prices I’m going home to check up on ebay!
I then went to watch Toni Childs. Amazing voice but the songs just weren’t doing it for me. There was no build up – everything sounded at the same intensity. I took my chair this time as the ground is all mud and smells like sewerage. (first day at the festival I laughed in disgust at what I thought were old people taking chairs with them so they could sit and watch a concert – now I’m one of them!) The rain started to come down really, really heavily but I still found myself quite dry in my cheap plastic rain coat covering as much of me as I could make it! Only my bum got wet later on, which I didn’t even discover till I lay down to sleep!
When the rain eased I went down to the Mojo tent. The ground is a mess – the mud horrible. Here’s another tip. Don’t ever walk through mud behind someone wearing thongs! Actually you can see dead thongs lying all over the place. What were those people thinking! Lots of people are just in bare feet now. The trucks come in after the concerts stop and spend most of the night moving the mud and putting bark down. Oh how I now hate those little ‘beep beep’ noises they make while they are reversing…..
Ben Harper is the big drawcard for the event so the Mojo tent was crammed full while the outside was a stinky bog hole. I realised I was not going to get near the stage but was up against the security fence. A lady and her daughter broke the heavy black plastic and we could see behind the stage, the full screen and at a side strain the stage itself. Plus a fantastic breeze was coming through.
I spent ages watching for Ben to arrive out the back – watching the cars arrive, who got out, the reaction of the bouncers and media. Still managed to miss him! Now I can see he is a brilliant musician but he doesn’t engage with the crowd at all and tends to go off in his own little musical world so that the song never really ends. Not really a me thing – I like the whole crescendo thing. Considering how many people were there I really did get an excellent view and sound and I’ll still catch him again on Monday night.
And if you ever want to get stoned for free just attend any gig in any tent at the BB Blues Fest….
12/04
Ah another good nights sleep! I’ve settled totally into this place now! I actually think it would’ve been boring without the rain and mud – it adds to the feel of the thing – my very own Glastonbury!
I set myself and my chair up at the Jambalaya stage at lunch for what the artists were calling the breakfast and brunch session. Tom Freund (California), Luka Bloom (Ireland) and Ruthie Foster (African American Soul Sista!) – recommend all of them! Ruthie’s voice was killer and her band were all female relatives. The tent was pretty packed by the time me and my chair left.
I succumbed and bought a Luka Bloom and Archie Roach cd – $15 each, what a bargain!
Then I went back later to see Tim Finn. He did a lot of Crowded House and Split Enz which the crowd all sang along to. He can no longer hit those high notes though I’m afraid.
A little bit later I wandered down to hear Paul Kelly in the Mojo tent – absolutely packed! I was lucky to be in the tent (lots of rain) but only just able to see the screen. Again there was a lot of singing along. One of my pet hates happened here though. A group of girls had a good spot inside the tent but didn’t once stop talking, laughing, speaking on their mobiles or turn around to see who was playing. Based on noise levels in the tent I know it was happening everywhere but that is the one thing that really bugs me at concerts and it is always the 20 somethings. Why are you there if you aren’t going to listen or watch? Do you know how irritating it is to be standing near you? Go outside and yak there! The other is young girls who take photos during a song then send it to friends then call them to say “Guess where I am?!!!” Wasting a prime spot up the front.
Paul K is looking very old with his bald head! Still an amazing songwriter. A European girl asked me at the concert if he was popular and she said she thought he was because the audience were all singing to his songs. He had Vika Bull with him and she did one of my faves – “What makes such a sweet man turn so mean….” Honey, he never was….
I went for a walk after Paul to get some air. Of course I couldn’t get back into John Butler Trio. I wandered for quite a bit trying to find a spot with good sound AND a view but couldn’t. I ended up on the ground in front of a third big screen behind the Mojo tent where the sound was non-existent. I think I prefer him in a smaller venue like The Tivoli. His guitar playing was amazing and his drummer did like a 3 song solo! John had a strap around his elbow so his veins were popped out weirdly while he was doing slide. On his other hand he had huge fake fingernails to pick with. Made it hard to look at either freaky arm while he was playing. And he had a tie on! He looks so much better without those dodgy dreddies. And I’d be interested to see what his tattoos are about – each arm matches with circles and colour.
I left before the encore as it was talking a while for him to come back out and I’d heard all my faves. Can’t even explain how many people were at the venue. I looked around at one stage at the bodies lying, sitting and standing everywhere and thought this is what an evacuation site must look like.
One funny thing on the way back to camp – people were calling out for friends randomly and other people would yell back “Over here!” “Over there!” “Here I am!” much to the confusion of the original caller. Later some guy was yelling out “Daryl!” and literally dozens of people started to call out ‘Daryl’ too. It sounded like a bunch of cockatoos!
13/04
It rained all night and morning. Some people had already packed up and left by the time I got up. I’ve got a sore throat from all the singing and from people smoking inside the tents because of the rain. I doubt anyone is selling cough lollies here though!
I decided to clean up and pack up a little so I will be able to head off early tomorrow morn fairly easily. Missing my doggies, oops, my sister! Would’ve liked to have gone down the beach again but there is no point in this rain. I actually cooked myself up a breakfast too!
Sitting outside my tent I saw 2 barefoot girls with tied up t-shirts covered in autographs, in black tights and wearing undies over the top of the tights. Also saw several girls dressed as stripper cops last night. And Indian headdresses were the rage on Saturday night.
Would’ve liked to have taken some photos today but it’s too much of a risk in this rain. Seriously, if you’ve seen photos of Woodstock or Glastonbury then you’ve already got the whole muddy picture. Our tents are so close that I have to step over the noisy neighbours tent corner to get into the door of mine and I can’t even get my arm down the other side to open the fly window due to a camper van there.
There were quite a few conflicting acts I wanted to see tonight but I ended up just planting myself inside the Mojo tent on my chair because it was so freaking wet. I even got to see the stage for most of the night. I saw Augie Marh, Xavier Rudd and then Missy Higgins. The only thing that put me off was her carry on about saving the Kimberley’s. JBT did the same thing but Missy’s was OTT. I just wasn’t in the mood to be talked at. The Jason Mraz came on and I was really surprised at how much I enjoyed him live.
By the time he’d finished I was pretty much dying with the rain, mud and a lergy so I decided to skip the last Ben Harper show. I decided to try and get some Panadol at the First Aid tent. It was a right mess in there – eye’s having mud flushed out of them, shoeless victims and a guy who looked like he’d just passed out into the mud and been dragged straight on to a stretcher! He was so still I hoped they were checking his pulse regularly!
On my way back to my tent I did a bit of last minute shopping. The rain was torrential when I stopped in the cd tent. Because of my waterloggedness I saw an old Jason Mraz cd that I thought was autographed for sale for only $20. Yippee. I found out once I was back home that all the cd’s looked like that. What a goober!
When I got back to my tent I unzipped the front and headed off to the toilets to de-mud my legs and feet. When I got back I saw the back was unzipped. I thought I’d left it like that accidentally but no, I’d been broken in to and they’d left it like that for all the rain to come in. I was quite upset about it all and thought I’d had some bracelets stolen (discovered in another bag back at home). They’d scattered my clothes and bedding everywhere in their search. Given my packing yesterday anything of value was in the car already. I did have my mobile in my jeans pocket but it is so thin that I don’t think they noticed it.
I waited till the noisy people got back to hear if they’d also been robbed but when they didn’t seem to have any issues I wondered if they’d just broken in to my tent to piss me off?
14/04
I slept badly and woke up early. Of course it is still raining! Given I have a lergy coming on I decided to pack up and just go. I tried to report my break in to security but they weren’t interested. The couple in the van next door told me lots of people had been broken into Saturday night (no one else Monday night by the look of it).
I got as far home as Coomera before I was worried about falling asleep on the road. Funnily the couple in the van where also in there having brekkie! They live at Redcliffe.
So home and to bed for me. The camping gear is still ‘drying’ in the garage.
Postcript – I now own gumboots. What good they will do me after the event is yet to be determined…..
]]>Before I seem totally pathetic here is the last of the christmas photos. I took Stussy to the vet for an ear infection and Santa and Mrs Santa just happened to be there! She tried to eat the presents under the tree and spent so much time pawing at santa that her nails were covered in red fluff.
She actually looks a lot bigger in this photo than she actually is - I swear she's just staffy size in real life!
That's right, it hasn't been a very good day. First day back at work after a month to find out that we've been restructured out of the unit we have been in for 6 years, moved back down the organisational structure, moving to shitty office space and my problem admin has been terminated.
I heard the rumours last week of course and spent 2 precious days stressing about it. But as change is a constant where I work I figured as long as I could understand the rationale behind it I'd do my best to get on board. So at this mornings team leader meeting I figured I would be properly informed. Nope, just told. Can I ask any questions? Nope just suck it up. I had to leave the meeting prematurely when they started discussing how best to use the floor space that will be available before we've even gone. For some reason this really offended me. I actually stood and said out loud "So that's all we are now - just empty floor space?"
So my acting boss comes out after basically demanding I meet with him then and there. He actually stood over me in front of all the other staff berating me with stuff like "you just want someone to blame!" No, I just want to understand what this means for me and the remaining staff. And of course I cried. During my many years of employment I have chosen to never EVER cry at work. Basically because it is work - not life, and I choose to save my tears for pains that really hurt. This acting boss made me cry last month and again this month - after 4 weeks of blissful holidays! I want to trust him then it becomes evident I can't, and I feel so let down. But boo hoo no more from me!
Not one of the incumbent staff were consulted and we are the only people being moved out and I smell something very fishy. As the day wore on that seafood odour just got more and more pungent. I wont detail what I know here as I am gathering it as damning evidence at my meeting with him and my union rep this Thursday. If he wants to give me unecessary stress then I'll give him a fucking ulcer back.
Aside from that it was the first day since the Dog Listener was here that DM and I have both been at work, leaving the dogs alone. Stussy made the best of it - the old lounge is out the back still waiting to be dumped. So she decided to help by shredding a few of the seats single handedly! That's my girl!
]]>Our Dog Listener, Penny Alexander came over yesterday and spent around 5 hours explaining amichien bonding to us to enable us to get ongoing harmony in our 'pack', which comprises 2 humans and 3 doggies. Right from the get go things just felt different. The dogs were quiet (very little getting up and barking at the outside world) and did very little to seek any of our attention during the session. Wolf even slept under the table near a person he didn't know. It was not till the end that Penny invited each dog into her space and Wolf opened right up to her talking and doing tricks straight away. This is a dog who normally takes several sessions to even go near a new person. Ricky had to be woken up to even meet her.
The best I can explain it is that there has been a change in my sister and I - we call ourselves Alpha (DM) and Alpha-Alfalfa (me). Together we discuss and make decisions about what the dogs will and wont do and when. All the dogs have responded IMMEDIATELY to this. They pay attention to signs from us indicating what is expected of them. We talk to them a lot less and when we want their attention we talk directly to them. This means we can still treat them like our furry friends. For instance Stussy loves to play. Usually she starts misbehaving and we yell at her and make noises and wave our arms. Usually I get down on the ground and start playing with her. What happened last night is she did her high pitched bark twice and Alpha and I kept talking and ignored her totally. About 15 mins later I went and grabbed a toy, called her to me and indicated I wanted to play. We played and then stopped when I wanted to. There were no I'm sorry's from me - I just took the toy, got up and left.
Some other small but significant things were - all three dogs have eaten together for the first time EVER! We have gesture eaten their food each time before putting their down in order - Wolf, Stussy then Ricky. I have Stussy leashed to me and I feed her half then refill her dish again - food just keeps coming from the heavens! If Stussy finishes first I simply then walk her on the leash out the back and around the yard. The dogs have also been eating quickly and I reckon this takes less time that it did before with them all in seperate rooms.
They are getting used to waiting for us to enter and exit doors and stairs first - they need constant reminding still but often look up at us to see what we are doing before they bash ahead. Getting on the bed and lounge requires more work as they are used to getting up at their leisure. But we are the Queen's and we decide if we want them in our space. Last night I invited Ricky on the bed and she went straight to my sleeping spot. As soon as I went to that side of the bed she got up and moved to her side. Usually I have to push her there. Stussy also jumped off the bed right in front of Wolf last night. She has never done that and usually goes to extreme measures to not get close to her. Stussy also tried to lie on top of the other pillow - higher than me and Ricky. I ripped the pillow out from under her. She moved elsewhere.
The barking has been very minimal. As soon as they bark at something we acknowledge something is going on outside, praise the dog and walk away. They stop the barking as soon as you 'have a look'. It's amazing. This has been a very quiet house since yesterday. Same when we leave and return to the house. DM and I speak to each other and ignore the dogs then simply leave. When we come back we ignore the dogs until we are settled then call them to us one by one and say hello.
We have given them each roles in the pack and are trying to reinforce those. Wolf is the Guard as she is most likely to alert us to potential 'danger'. Stussy is the Inquisitive Learner. This way we can encourage her adventurous and active nature in a more positive than destructive way. No acknowledgement for chewing up a pillow but lots for spotting a mouse or doing a new trick. Ricky is the Comforter. She has always been quite nurturing to the other animals we've had - always grooming and welcoming them. She also watched over me when I had a fall a few years back till help arrived and has been known to sit by the bed when you are sick. She also likes to snuggle in to everyone when its cold.
That's all I can think of at present. I feel like part Queen and part Commander. The wierdest part of all this is that it seems normal to the dogs, like we are suddenly speaking their language. I know Stussy will push at the rules more than the others but that is because she is the most insecure of the pack from the outset. I want her to build her skills and be an asset to the pack, not a troublemaker. I know she can do it!
]]>Yes, I know that was a few days ago now but that's where I'm up to, alright?
Day 2 of Sunset Sounds was decidedly more laid back. No fancy outfits and very Short queues at the beer tents! CM Squared had to go and check out a rental option so I was Nigel No Friends for a bit. First up was Kat Frankie. I'm sure she was very good but I just didn't get into her. Then out of sheer laziness I stayed in exactly the same spot and listened to CW Stoneking play their brand of jazz from afar.
Again, still sitting in the same spot some 2 hours later we watched Skipping Girl Vinegar. If they were selling cd's at the event I would've bought one off these guys.
As our arses were getting a little sore we actually stood up, walked and watched Ash Grunwald, grooving up and down at appropriate moments. We've both seen him before. I have no idea how to describe his music except raw. He makes you want to jump up and down and punch the air.
Then strangely we found ourselves back in our old spot watching Barons of Tang. Kind of Russia meets Poland meets Eurovision. Good live entertainment!
After our usual kebab dinner we headed back to the Riverstage. Santogold was still playing and the crowd really liked her (whatever she was doing). She even got the audience onstage to dance at the end. Crowds love that shit.
Then came The Grates - I think they are a Brissy band? The lead singer had her leg in a cast from doing something athletic on stage so she was propped up in a big throne type chair. Even that couldn't contain her - she was up and down on that good leg! I'd like to see her in full action actually as I reckon she'd be manic on stage. They also had all these people dressing up as animals on the stage dancing around from time to time. No idea what that's about!
Then came Franz Ferdinand. I think they were impressed by the size of the crowd we came up with. I know they were definately impressed byt the guy lit up like a christmas tree in the mosh pit! First time at the event that I saw some crowd surfing even though FF don't seem to be a band to inspire such activity. But hey what do I know - after they played their last song one of the guitarists launched himself out there as well! I'm glad I got to see them even though they didn't play Jacqueline - the first song of theirs I ever heard. Oh and they were the only band at the whole event to do an encore so obviously they were considered top dogs of the whole shebang.
I think the next concert is Pink - quite a way off, I think it will be a dry year for concerts.
We've got a lady coming round this Friday to help us with our ongoing doggie issues. There will not be one more battle scar in this house! It's the Amichien Bonding technique which roughly translates from French into something like doggy-friend. Can't wait to see what we are doing wrong (because it wont be the dogs)!
DM started a new job today. She's been very low key about it which is good. I still have another week off and a long list of things to do during that time! Yeah whatever!
]]>So CM Squared and I survived our first day. It was hot and steamy and airless and I loved it! They had three stages set up in the Botanic Gardens. We saw the first person thrown out before 4pm. Didn't see what she did but she was a young happy thing just bouncing around prior to getting walked out by 2 security guards. Apart from that there were absolutely no issues. Lots of daggy and groovy people there of course - people watching is half the fun! what was surprising is the number of boy groups in coordinated outfits! At least they can spot each other in a crowd!
So we saw Tinpan Orange first - the lead singer has the most beautiful voice and I saw the afro guitarist later in the night - that's a lot of hair!
Then we saw Soko. She was a bit freaky for me and most of the crowd seemed to just be waiting for her to sing Ocular.
Next we headed up the other end and watched Tegan and Sara. I'd never heard them before and based on the crowd numbers and reactions they are very popular.
Then we watched Faker of This Heart Attack fame.
Next was The Kooks!!!!!! I love those guys and you would not believe how full the area was! I think they were shocked how many fans they have after their stupid Zoo gig last year. That was the fullest I have ever seen that concert area and the majority of the crowd were all on their feet. They played most of my faves so I was a happy girl.
We were going to stay and see The Hives but we decided we needed a bit of a danceathon and headed up the other end to Cat Empire. The organisers underestimated how popular they were as the crowds spilled right back to the second sound stage. I had to leave the crush half way through - beign short and getting no air was making me feel like a sweaty blob. Theres a guy in Cat Empire who has an amazing voice and even more amazing brass playing skills but he is so unattractive! I don't know what nationality he is but he's short and hairy and was wearing track pants and a singlet. Actually I saw a lot of guys wearing singlets - I think it has broken my lust for men in singlets big time - not everyone can carry off the look....
Here are some photos of CM Squared, Tegan and Sara, Faker and The Kooks so you can see the crowds.