2 posts tagged “hypnotherapy”
How do you get rid of a christmas song once it is stuck in your head? It doesn't even snow where I live! The only thing falling from the sky are harmful UV rays followed by bolts of lightning and rain!
But I digress....
By Friday last week I guess I was still feeling a lot like two people hiding within one. Probably still like that - presenting one image on the surface while the turmoil churns underneath.
Anyway, Friday night there was a b'day dinner out with all the family. The anxiety levels rose with the noise around me and the bile in my stomach decided to join in. I didn't puke but was oh so close. I think I ate maybe 5 prawns before I had to sit the rest of the night out. Then of course I was hoping the scary family members wouldn't want to stay the night. But of course they did. Mind you when we got home Stussy had annihilated the house so we mainly focussed on cleaning up the debris. I had to keep saying I'm too tired for intense conversation tonight. Not that that mattered to certain family members who only talk at you.
Biggest surprise of all was me getting up Saturday morning full of energy! Where the hell did that come from? I pretty much decided on the spot to clean the whole house. Got half way through I guess but it made a huge difference to how the house looks and feels. New furniture and linen and all that. And we got rid of some of the extra and broken stuff from the house so it feels more open. All up it just felt good.
Saturday night was my work christmas party. Even though I'd already paid for the show part of it I decided not to go. I decided I wanted to stay in with DM and put up the christmas decorations. It was the best decision I've made for ages - it was a lovely night. I don't think I would've enjoyed a second night out with food and people and noise.
Sunday was all overcast and getting out of bed was hard! I was loving that air conditioning! Plus I woke feeling like the friend who is no more was begging me to call him. It was easy to resist while I'm maintaining my anger at him. I don't know how easy it will be after that. And what's he going to say? Unlikely to be something pleasant. I also had a dream that everyone I'd worked with had all moved into the one mega building. I was also moving back to work there. So I turn up on my first day to see where my desk is etc and there he is. He didn't look at me and I looked right past him being an uber bitch in my mind - "yes you are dead to me!". I may have even won an award for my dramatics!
Mum and dad decided to come over for no reason. Well actually I am dad's favourite again also for no reason (sorry DM!) and he has now decided he will pay some men to come and clean up my yard. Fine by me!
Not much else to do after you've been exposed to dad but go shopping! Sorted out a few more christmas presents then bought some groceries and headed home for even more cleaning up - where is this urge coming from?????
Went to the hypno again this morning for the session designed just for me (which I can also listen to in the privacy of my own home on my mp3 player!). Some fear but mainly very excited to be there today. It feels like I'm doing the right thing. Nothing startling to report from the session except that I am oh so tired and haven't stopped ywawning. So much for coming out of it feeling refreshed!
Does anyone else decorate their work pod at christmas? We went for a blue and silver theme - nice and soothing. The pod next to us has artificial brick walls hanging from the ceiling (amongst other things). I keep threatening to throw a lighted match in there and watch it all melt!
Yes I know, it's been forever. A combination of lots and nothing going on this year. I feel like this is the first real breather I've had.
So the reason I am back blogging is because I have a big year ahead of me and I will need to be putting my thoughts down somewhere. You see next year is a get fit year in preparation for our Kokoda Trek in 2010.
I'm sure people have looked at me and doubted that I would do more than talk about it. The problem is it isn't all that easy for me to just up and start exercising and looking after my health. That stuff does not come naturally to me. So I set my goals for 2009 and started taking the necessary action for those goals to be met. Doing quite well with it actually.
Since part of my eating disorder problems have been around excessive exercising and having too low a body weight and not knowing it I decided to see a psychologist who specialises in hypnotherapy for eating disorders. I even managed to get quick and consecutive appointments so felt this was meant to be.
If I thought some of the work I've had to do in the past was hard then boy I got a shock this week. Imagine if you will what a possessed Linda Blair would feel like detoxing from a hard drug. That's what my body has felt like this week. I wouldn't call myself an anxious person but the feelings of anxiety sitting inside my chest actually made me vomit for the first three days of this week and I have had anger inside me that I didn't imagine possible. As a result I have 'cleansed' at least one person right out of my life this week. I may come to regret that later but for now it feels I have shed some burdens so I can devote the energy I need to dealing with this. It's been like you're either with me or against me and if you aren't 100% with me then fuck off. I also fought with my brand new boss. Well not fought - I told him point blank one of his new initiatives was not agreeable to me and I wasn't going to do it! I must've seemed very serious because 5 minutes later his new idea was all dumped on someone else!
I guess the best way I can explain it is that whatever lies at the root of my ED's is something very deeply entrenched and since hypnotherapy connects with your subconcious this inner demon is choosing not to give up without a fight. It really does feel like a detox/exorcism like elements of myself are desperately battling with each other. I'm hoping to come out the winner but at this point the concious me doesn't seem to be getting a say.
As at yesterday (4 days after) I was feeling a little less disconnected and dare I say somewhat happy. Today more happy but still this disconnection or internal mistrust or something. I feel like there are 2 of me.
On top of all this internal stuff I have been shopping all week and have pretty much replaced everything I own with new stuff - lounges, saucepans, cutlery, pillows, plates, towels, etc. Everything old is going in the bin this weekend and I have this urge to disinfect every surface of my house. Well that's the plan. Things could change and I could still be living surrounded by boxes, so please keep your fingers crossed for me....
